What's wrong with me? Why do I feel so flat today?
Understanding the quiet costs your body is carrying.... and why your mood makes perfect sense (even when it doesn't)
Have you ever had one of those days where you feel... off? Just not quite yourself somehow, but you can’t really put you finger on why. You look at your cycle-tracking app, and it’s not that..so what is it? You want to know…so you can ‘fix it’, but it’s hard to workout what you need to feel right again.
You’re not panicked, you’re not melting down into a teaful heap, you’re just a bit low, a big grey, slightly unanchored and disconnected. You try to rally, maybe you make a coffee, write a gratitude list, go for a walk, scroll for a hit of something that feels good. But it all just feels a bit flat flat or heavy. Or too much and not enough at the same time.
This is a space I know well.
I used to meet these days with frustration. I’d ask irritatingly ‘what’s wrong with me? I should feel fine. I’ve got nothing to complain about’. But I’ve learned not to fight these days, or shame myself for them, or rush to fill them too fast. Because often, these days are less about something being wrong, and more about your system quietly asking for something, maybe slowness, stillness, reconnection. Maybe space to grieve, or a little more rest or presence.
Low mood and background anxiety often don’t announce themselves in dramatic ways. They show up in our behaviours. It might look like avoidance, distraction, irritability, apathy (that feeling of feeling uncaring…even though you know you do care)…all can be symptoms of operating in survival mode, or
When your brain and body are juggling more than you consciously realise such as poor sleep quality, low-level inflammation, immune system activity, or simply emotional undercurrents from your week, it takes energy to maintain a sense of balance. You may not feel overwhelmed, but your system is quietly working to maintain homeostasis. We see this in our kids, right? They’re super tetchy and reactive and we can’t work out why, and then they later admit that a friend was mean, or they show symptoms of a new tooth or a cold.
When this happens, your brain may shift into a lower gear… not because you’re in full-blown survival mode, but because your resources are being quietly used elsewhere. You might feel foggy, sub-par, low, unmotivated, or strangely flat. Nothing’s wrong, but nothing feels quite right either.
This doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It means your body is using energy behind the scenes, tending to physical, hormonal, and emotional processes you may not be aware of. Maybe you haven’t made space for sadness, or taken heed of those stress signals. These things are still there, hoping we’ll tend to them.
When our system is stretched, even gently, it can narrow our emotional range. Joy might feel muted, motivation might fall off a cliff. This isn’t failure, it’s conservation. Your brain is prioritising stability….not sparkle.
So what helps?
Here are five gentle thoughts for the days that feel grey, foggy or quietly anxious:
1. You don’t need a reason to feel how you feel.
Feelings don’t need a justification. You don’t have to trace low mood back to a specific cause in order for it to be valid. Sometimes, your body is processing stress you didn’t even notice piling up. Suppressed emotion often resurfaces during periods of stillness, so this is which is why quiet days can feel unexpectedly heavy sometimes. Accepting the emotion as valid is step one in regulation.
2. Meet yourself where you are, not where you wish you were.
On days like this, your capacity is different. Expecting yourself to function at full capacity only adds pressure to an already overloaded system. Embrace some radical acceptance, and choose to stop fighting the reality of where you are today. Instead, ask yourself ‘what version of ‘enough’ suits me today?’
3. Use your body to come back to the moment.
When things feel a bit untethered, the body can anchor us. Try a self-soothing touch, placeyour hand over your heart, give yourself a gentle face massage, or even wrap yourself in a blanket. These actions activate the parasympathetic nervous system, our rest and restore state. Breath work, cold water on the wrists, opening a window.. these little physical cues change internal chemistry.
4. Drop the question ‘What’s wrong with me?’
This question sends the brain into problem-solving mode and can spur on that inner voice of self-criticism or feelings of shame. Try replacing it with: ‘What might I need today?’ This compassionate question engages the part of your brain that’s more reflective than reactive, and helps you shift from that inner critic to inner caregiver.